Greetings friends,
It has been a long while since I wrote to you. I have been hiking through the mountains and valleys of life. Boy, those mountain tops are breathtaking. Everything seems to be going along just fine, successes are happening, seeds are sown, sun is shining. Then the valleys bring shadows. Times of discouragement and frustration. Just life, right?
Then sometimes those shadowed valleys linger a little too long. Bitterness crawls in like a worm boring a hole into the cob of summer sweet corn. The whole ear of corn isn't bad if you catch it in time. But you have to catch it, in time.
My recent bitterness stemmed from not always getting to do what I wanted. I was a puppy begging for more food or a teen wanting more video games – I wanted more of my time for me. Just a few hours here and there. Is that too much? I got jealous of others who appeared to be doing what they wanted, when they wanted. I got frustrated when daily life monopolized my every moment. I wanted control.
But I am not in control. This is a hard lesson to remember at any age. I share this with you because I want my honesty to help you someday. You are not in control. The world wants you to believe you are, but it does not work that way.
I have dreams and goals just like everyone else. The thing is, I am usually too exhausted to move forward with those dreams and goals because life is about living. And let me tell you something, I am living.
I wore a red, sparkly tutu and spent the day with my sister in law spreading Chiefs Cheer so we would win the Super Bowl. (You're Welcome) I packed a bag of snacks, wore school colors and went to all the basketball games because we were 30-0 and headed for the Final Four! I take every chance I get to visit my daughter, talk to my son, hang out with my nephews, be with my husband. There's a lot more, but I do not even know how to communicate all the daily tasks I enjoy. I really have no reason to let bitterness in my heart. I am not in control. His will, not mine.
God already has this whole thing figured out. He has me right where he wants me to be. And when the Holy Spirit gives me a name, a task, a word - I do my best to listen. I may not always see the big picture at first, but in time I am all in and seek the blessings around the corner.
Back to the red tutu. I am a caregiver for my sister in law who has Huntington's Disease. The disease is not fun, but WE ARE. We find joy in all the things. And she wanted to wear a red tutu to show her Chiefs spirit. I said if we go to the Super Bowl, I will wear a red tutu with you. Thank You, Andy Reid!
I know the Super Bowl is old news, but this story makes my point, so, tag along. We went to all her favorite spots in our small town and showed off the tutus while cheering on the Chiefs and spreading some TGIF joy. We were greeted with smiles, hugs and cheers. Were we a little loud? Sometimes. Did we make an entrance? Every. Time.
After galavanting around town, we went to Union Station to check out the Chiefs exhibit. Our tutus got a little bunched up on the drive there but we fluffed them back up and still wore them inside. One woman took our picture to show her friends just how crazy Chiefs fans really were. Happy to help ;)
It was all worth it. There was no time for ME that day. It was all about US. And that's okay. I am not telling you all this for sympathy. I am sharing this with you because I want to remind you it is okay to feel the pang of jealousy and bitterness. You are human. But please do not forget to FEEL the joy in the moments which are happening right now. Countless opportunities to bless someone with kindness are there everyday. And do not forget, they are blessing you, too.
Now, you may be wondering, did I get my “me” time? I did. I just had to be patient. I read a book and wrote you this letter. Does this mean I will never let that nasty worm of bitterness crawl in again? Probably not. But, I feel like writing you has diminished the chances. Want to know why? Because I know you are reading this and maybe you will remind me of it if you see me down.
We have to stick together, folks. You are not alone.
Your friend,
B
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