When last we talked, I had fallen and injured my ankle. Thank you to everyone who reached out and checked on me. It has been an adjustment. I am still hobbling around, but life moves at a steady pace and we are making it work.
The holiday season is upon us and the hustle and bustle of shopping, wrapping and baking is in full swing. My family has had a blessed 2022 and are excited to see what 2023 has in store for us. Sure, there were struggles and frustrations, but the happiness far out-weighs the lows.
Christmas music is one of my favorite December traditions. Familiar carols, contemporary versions and the instrumental classics all make me smile. I love the entire White Christmas album. Silver and Gold makes me think of the banjo-playing snowman in the original Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer cartoon, sliding through the snow. A more contemporary favorite of mine is God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by the Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. For me, Christmas music is the sound of joy. Which brings me to my 2022 Christmas music favorite, Sounding Joy by Ellie Holcomb. The lyrics ask, “What does joy sound like?” Check it out. It's upbeat and has a great message.
Another end of the year tradition I still keep is - the calendar. Now, I know the paper calendar is on all the declutter your home lists. But I still use them. We like to go into the bank and pick up a complimentary one. Then we hit the after Christmas sale and pick up a funny one for the kitchen. And I still use a planner. I tried the cellphone planner app but I missed my colored pens and writing things down. Turning the page on the calendar is cathartic for me. It symbolizes a transition – a before and after.
Have you ever noticed the 'before and after' we use to shape time. “I remember before Grandma passed away we always ate fudge on Christmas Eve.” Or, “After I had Covid, I never have the energy to go shopping anymore.” We all do it, sometimes unknowingly, but it's there - blocks of time sorted by memories. Unusual fact about me, I keep my old planners. Not all of them, but several of them. Sometimes when a day rolls around that marks another year without a loved one, I might thumb through the pages of the year they passed away and recall what 2016 Becky was doing. I don't do this often, but when I do I find comfort in the memories and seeing how far we've come. The stocking that isn't there anymore hurts a little less. The traditional dish not being there every Christmas morning isn't a crisis. If I forget to get out the special t-shirt to wear, it is okay.
This doesn't mean I don't grieve the losses. We have had many over the past few years. It just means I am able to turn the page on the calendar and move forward through the grief into another year. I carry the losses with me every time a memory is made and my loved one isn't here to share in the excitement. And your loss/grief will be different than mine. I am not fine all the time. And you don't have to be either. I do encourage you to reminisce. Sharing memories with those who are still here is the best! Don't be afraid to say your loved ones name out loud. “Remember when” stories are what joy sounds like to me. The family left behind can find connection and laughter in the stories.
It's okay if you don't feel Christmasy this year. It's okay if you have lots of Christmas cheer to share. Either way, the calendar page turns and life presses on. Listen closely for the joy in this special time of year. It's all around you - in music, in memories, in life.
Your friend, B
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