The three weekends prior to our trip to Hawaii were jam packed. Lists were made, plans were adjusted, chaos ensued. Some people question why I tend to go to “everything”. I am okay with their question. I am on-the-go a lot. I don't like to miss family gatherings or events, and I admit this at the expense of my own sanity, at times.
The first of the three crazy weekends was parent weekend at our daughter's college. We weren't going to miss that. I fully admit I am living the college experience vicariously through her. (I lasted one year and came home.) It was also Homecoming weekend in our hometown. Thank goodness my mom could help with that while we enjoyed the weekend away, getting to hang out with our favorite college girl.
The second weekend was the Steele Family reunion, an out of town trip for the whole crew. The fall before Trevor's mom passed away, she asked us to host a family reunion, and then carry on the tradition for years to come, knowing she would be gone. Covid had put a pause to the reunions, so, it was important to be at this one. I am a firm believer in reunions. This is fueled by my love for genealogy. It's awkward because you only see these cousins once a year and inevitably you end up sitting at a table with your own family. But, my opinion is, reunions keep the memories alive. What better place to reminisce about the people we miss most? Coincidentally, the reunion theme was Hawaiian. We thought that was funny. Aunts, uncles and cousins arrived. Good food and laughter was shared. Then it was over. I always feel like it ends too quick. Trevor and I invited whoever was able over to our makeshift campsite at his cousin's house for more family time and food around the campfire. The whole day felt great. Like a warm hug. The laughter of his mom's family sounded like her. Family breathed life into memories that had begun to fade.
In between the second and third weekends, things got complicated. My Grandma took a turn for the worse. She was in her 90s, and still living in her own home, which says a lot about her toughness. And boy was she tough. My mom, sisters and I traveled to be with her, and help care for her in her final days. My aunts, who live near her, were with us. This army of six women did the hard things to make Grandma comfortable. I will treasure this time with my family. Hers was a life well-lived, full of joy and accomplishments. In her last moments she was surrounded by the love of her family.
While at my Grandma's my dad called me to tell me that my Uncle had passed away. I was shocked. His health had been failing. But I did not realize his time would be so short. My sisters and I had visited him just a few weeks prior. We took old photo albums and looked through them with him. He told us stories and enjoyed being together. My big teddy bear uncle who used to play checkers with his freckle-faced niece was gone. I was sad for my dad, who had now lost both parents and his brother. I just couldn't believe this was all happening.
I left to go home the evening before Grandma passed. We knew it wouldn't be long, and I needed to get back home for our big Saturday. The annual event to raise money for Huntington's disease was that morning and we help organize and run the event. It was a phenomenal 5K and auction. Team Hope never disappoints. We raised more than $53,000! It is a family affair and we could not do it without their support. After the HD walk, our nephew had his first Tae Kwon Do tournament. Man, we were tired, but we kept moving. The events were in the same town, so that helped. What a Saturday!
We went to church Sunday morning and that evening we took food to my Uncle's house and ate dinner and reminisced with my aunt and cousins. Hawaii was 24 hours away. Everyone was excited for us and supportive of us going on our trip. But, I was going to miss two funerals while we were gone. This was hard for me. I am usually the one writing the obituary, putting together the funeral folder, finding the pictures, etc. I always go to the funeral. I fell into this role many years ago. But it was different this time. There were plenty of other people to be there. I thought a lot about that.
Funerals can be a lot like reunions. People say things like, “It sure is good to see you, just not under these circumstances.” The laughter and reminiscing which accompanies a lot of funerals is also like a reunion. The difference is, reunions make new family memories for us to carry forward into the future. It doesn't matter if it's only once a year. Those are the memories we need at the funerals. I am aware this sounds depressing. I just want you to think on it the next time your family reunion rolls around and you decide not to go. I understand life is busy, believe me I know. I'm just asking you to consider it. And, if your family doesn't have an annual get-together with the cousins, then maybe you should start one. Someone needs to tell the stories, and live the new ones.
Your friend B
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